Wishing for Energy

Tonight we took our daughter to the Wellness Center for family time (one of the many reasons I love the gym). It was theScale Cry first time I’ve gone to the gym since seeing the doctor and getting my knee brace. I wasn’t sure what to expect, nor what I’d even be able to do, but I wasn’t back down.

Bella and I started in the gym where we played pass-the-ball with a basketball. Then we eventually got a soccer ball and kicked that around. My knee was feeling really great!

After the romp in the gym, Bella and I headed upstairs to the track. At our gym, 12 laps is one mile so we just started walking. After two laps, Bella was a little tired but I wanted to get one more lap in. I convinced her to go around one more time.. but she asked me to run with her. Somewhere I heard my head screaming “this is a bad idea” but my heart couldn’t say no to my daughter.

which do you hate moreI started with a light job and it felt ok so then I broke into a full sprint and before I knew it, I made it all the way around the track for the lap RUNNING. I literally ran one lap. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but this is a real accomplishment for me. I’ve never ran an entire lap. It felt so good to keep pace with my highly energetic four-year old. I seriously wish I had one tenth of her energy. Oh the things I could accomplish.

It truly felt amazing to run with my daughter, even for just one lap. That’s a long way more than what I could do just three months ago.

I really love the new me and I’m never going back. My husband has been showing me where I’m losing weight. My pants are constantly falling down and I’m feeling incredible (minus whole knee trouble thing). I can’t wait to see what the next few days / weeks will bring.


Sharing these images make me think about all the reasons I started this blog. I hated working out. I hated to fail… but I Failureneeded to be accountable. I wanted everyone to make me accountable. Now today, I love this blog. I love all my followers and I certainly love my workouts and the weight that I’m losing.

Failure is simply not my way anymore – if I hit a wall.. I simply keep on going. I’m trying so hard and I refuse to let this beat me.

This last image truly is who I’ve become. If I fail or gain weight, I just learn from it and work even harder next time. I will survive and I will win!



Guess what happened

So tonight my husband and I went to see “Shatner’s World: we just life in it” tonight at the Benedum Center in Pittsburgh.

We were just there a few months ago to se the Addams Family and took our place in the seats uncomfortably then.

Tonight however was a very different night. When we sat down, there was actually ROOM. I could freely adjust and sit comfortably within the confines of the seat. I know it sounds silly but for someone who is always uncomfortable in the dozens of shows she attends yearly, tonight was something truly awesome.

I’m probably over exaggerating but the reality is I’m so happy. It could have come on a better day either since as of this morning I blew through the 40 pound weight loss mark. It’s taken six months to get here but I have finally arrived and I’m not turning back. This is a one way street to awesomeness and I can’t wait to arrive.

Thanks for listening.

Never Give Up

After my emotional moment yesterday, I woke up with a new fire for my life. I’m not going to let one obstacle keep me from my dreams. I swore this time I wasn’t going to give up and damn it, I’m not going to let myself down. I’ve spent 30 years of my life letting myself down, it’s time to show my head that the heart will get what it wants this time. 

It’s funny, five months ago if I was angry or depressed I would bury myself in a giant bowl of ice cream and call it a night. That isn’t what happened this time. I sucked it up and just kept moving. I went to the gym determined to work my ass off (literally).

Today I took not one but TWO exercise classes (I really am a glutton for punishment). I started with an Abs / Back class. I took it once before when my friend Melissa asked me to join her. I swore I’d never take it again but it was on the bingo card at the gym so I opted in once again. Maybe it would be different this time – NOPE! I still hate it, but I did it anyway! Immediately following the attack on my abs and back was body sculpting. Last time I took this class, I simply LOVED it. It’s a nice mix of cardio and weight training and really a lot of fun. We used the balance balls last time. This time it was everything imaginable from weights to steps to rubber bands (I hated them!!!).

Two classes and I survived. I know I can do anything. The picture I posted with this entry says it all! For years the voice in my head told me I can’t do it…. I know it’s a liar now. And just like I couldn’t lose weight and I couldn’t lose exercise …. my roadblock for the Biggest Winner Program at the gym is going to have an answer too.

I’m DETERMINED to figure something out. Tonight I finally have more concrete details on the program. It’s actually 6 weeks not the 4 originally quoted (That’s even better) and I know who’s running it. I’ve reached out to them tonight with a plea to maybe pay in installments. That would at least help a little bit. Then it’s not a hit all at once and maybe loving family members will listen to my plea for gift cards to the gym.

It might look impossible … but the word itself says “I’m possible.”



Depressing Day

I’m not going to hide it. Today was tough. It didn’t start out bad for me, but it certainly is ending on a bitter note.

It all started when a family member commented that I’m spending too much time at the gym. At this point, I’m averaging about 1 hour a day between 3 and 5 days a week. I go in the evening immediately after work and I’m usually home by 6:30 p.m. (or one hour after my daughter comes home).

Sure, I could spend this hour with my daughter but my head knows that every hour I spent at the gym is (hopefully) extending the many years of my life I will have with my daughter. I’m very focused on my health at this point because it’s imperative that I change my lifestyle to finally live.

I hope the person that said this to me tonight reads this and realizes just how much it hurt. I am killing myself at the gym, spending a fortune on memberships and trainer fees so I can finally get my life back. I don’t want to be overweight anymore. I want to finally live and be happy.

Yes, I’m sacrificing about 5-8 hours a week with my daughter, but I’m gaining so much more. I can finally run with her, not run for 2 seconds and feel like death. When she starts softball next summer, I’ll actually be in a shape to play and practice with her. Isn’t that important?

How can I expect my daughter to live a healthy lifestyle if I’m not setting an example for her. I’m her role model (I hope) and I know she looks up to me. She told me so when she said she wants to be “just like me… except she doesn’t want to be fat.”

It pains me to think that person that said this to me has no right to tell me how to live my life, regardless of his relationship in my life. More importantly, my entire family has been griping at him for years to change his own habits but he gives us excuse after excuse. I use to feel bad, but I know that doctors have told him if he lost weight he’d feel better – yet nothing changes.

But this is not the place to get extremely personal. The other reason I’m really bummed is there’s a competition at the gym called “The Biggest Winner” that involves a personal training package. I’ve been really hyped up on this competition since my nutritionist told me about it a month ago. It’s drawing near and tonight I was told the details of the cost and I was shocked to discover it’s $375 for one month. I was under the impression it was just a little bit less.

This astronomical cost is a bit concerning, obviously, with Christmas. I desperately want to do it though. I wish I could just hit the powerball or megamillion tonight to come up with the money because I know it would be a dream come true.

The competition includes four personal training sessions a week (yes FOUR training session) in a group at 1 hour in length each. My trainer is one of the competition trainers too. He’s amazing and I want to do it with him so desperately bad. There’s also nutrition counseling and other stuff included.

Basically, it’s a “hold you hand” type competition / plan that helps you really get moving. I’m doing good with my weight loss, but I know this plan can help me do better.

I talked to Matt tonight about it and while I know it’s likely not going to happen – short of winning the lottery – I desperately wish there was some way to make it work. I want this so badly that I’m reduced to tears attempting to figure, budget or find money to make this happen.

Sign ups haven’t started, but I know the best trainers fill up fast and mine is one of those trainers. I haven’t heard exactly when it’s going to go up but I’m running out of ideas on how to make this happen.

I haven’t given up hope that I will find a way to make this happen, but right now the grim reality it’s likely not. I’m going to talk to the gym to see if MAYBE there’s a payment plan I can be put on or just about anything I can do to make this happen.

I need this in my life. When I train with Jackson, I do so much better. Just these last two weeks have been incredible. I feel amazing and I know I’m losing more now than I did on my own. I know I can do this on my own – I’ve got the motivation – but I want results and this chance will give me the results I need and want so desperately.

I guess we’ll see what happens over the next few weeks. Maybe the guy misquoted the price (which would be awesome) and it’s actually cheaper. Maybe the Houston Texans will get 33 points this week in their game to hit the 33 pool (which would be awesome as well). Maybe I’ll hit the megamillion tonight or the powerball tomorrow and my problems will be solved.

Here’s hoping things look better for me tomorrow. I’m still pushing forward and if I don’t get to do this, I’m not giving up but damn it I hope I figure it out somehow. There must be a way to make it work. There simply MUST be a way to succeed.

Training heaven

Today was rough! Like seriously rough.

My day didn’t start out that way though. I actually woke up early (thanks to a certain furry child who decided my face tasted yummy). I thought it would get me off to a great start to get … ha WRONG.

My day at work actually went well (mostly). It’s the first day back after the holiday and the last two days before the huge conferences my boss (and most of senior management) will be heading to on Wednesday. So, simply put – it was a little crazy.

What really threw a wrench in my day was around 2:30 p.m. when the headache started. It annoyed me. It was one of those pounding bastards that just wouldn’t give. It plagued me until at least 5:30 (which by the way was 30 minutes into my training appointment).

Now the old me – a headache would have been excuse #1 to give up and just skip. Oh I don’t feel go… I’m going hope. NOPE! I’m not that person anymore. Headache or not my ass was going to meet Jackson and I was going to bust my butt to get the most out of my training session.

We started on the stepper with 10 minutes of wonderful joy on the machine. I actually like the stepper (go figure). I hauled ass on it too and I was happy with it. Next, we moved over to the TRX ropes. I’m not a huge fan of this contraption because A) I have balance issues. When I feel off balance I don’t like it and B) it’s hard to pull your own weight.

Jackson had me do a series of pull-ups, bicep curls and squats (15 / 3x). After kicking my ass there, we moved over to the stairwell where he had me do a series of 100 step ups. My legs were seriously on FIRE. 

After 100 steps (200 technically), Jackson and I headed upstairs to the second floor workout area. Here we decided to play with the rope and kettle bells. He had me swinging the ropes for a good 20 minutes or so. He called it something, I called it anger management. I actually really liked it.

After torture with the ropes, Jackson then put me through a series of workouts with the kettle bells. These may be my least favorite piece of equipment. I know they’re great workouts but man they hurt!!!!

For the last exercise, Jackson put me to the test. He asked me what I’ve lost so far and I told him 38 pounds since May. He then promptly handed me 40 pounds in kettlebells and made me walk a quarter mile.

Simple right? Yeah those weights felt like 1,000 pounds by the end of the third lap. It was really inspiring though. That 40 pounds was just about what I’ve lost so far and for how heavy it was … I can’t believe I lugged around that much extra weight. It was like something straight out of the Biggest Loser.

Speaking of which, the gym apparently has a program in the new year called the Biggest Winner which involves 4 group training sessions per week. Jackson is one of the group trainers. The minute sign up start I’m jumping right on his team. I don’t care WHAT time of day he does his sessions – I will make it work. He is the most amazing trainer on earth and I can’t bear the thought of losing him. I can however, love the possibility to see his sweet face 4 days a week!

Well that’s all for tonight. Later all!


We draw inspiration from a variety of places and people. My inspiration comes from my daughter. I wish I had just 1/10 of her energy because I would accomplish so much in the course of one day. Today I came across this video on Facebook that is truly an inspiration. A man who didn’t want to believe his doctors to overcome amazing odds. If you haven’t seen it yet, you must watch the video below

Inspirational Video

I knew anything was possible, but watching this transformation gives me new hope. I don’t have the same obstacles he did, but we all have things standing in our way. Whether it be physical, emotional or mental – there’s always some kind of wall in the way and it can be torn down.  Only you can tear it down.

I hope this video inspires you as much as it has inspired me!

Weekly Meal Plan November 25 – December 1, 2012

As promised, here is what we’re planning on having this week for dinner. You’ll note there are several slow cooker recipes because we’ve got a busy week. Such a great quick meal!

Grilled Steak Fajita’s by SkinnyTaste.com

Made these tonight and they were AMAZING! One thing to note is that I think the calorie estimate is off on the site. Ours came out to 174 calories per fajita. They were super tasty. We paired them with a small portion of chips and salsa and YUM YUM! We switched out the flour tortilla’s for corn tortillas and made our own version of the veggie mix / spices (gotta love my husband). Don’t worry… I didn’t eat all three of them! 

Chicken Veggie Stew by The Gracious Pantry

Spaghetti with Sauteed Chicken and Grape Tomatoes by SkinnyTaste.com

Beef Stir Fry by Paelo on a Budget

Garlic Lovers Roast Beef by SkinnyTaste.com

Broccoli and Cheese Stuffed Chicken by Skinnytaste.com

We’ve had a few of these recipes before. They’re really good. I love skinnytaste.com. It has really great meals that do actually cut the calories down without sacrificing. One thing to note, you’ll see many of the sites I use have the calorie break downs… use those with CAUTION.  Every item you choose for your own meals will change the caloric content of the meal so just use it as a guide. We tend to make each recipe our own. I’m pretty sure none of the meals we’ve made have been 100% to the recipe. Matt’s an amazing cook and he adapts things to our tastes and even improves them with some great ideas.